diagnosis.

yesterday i got my blood test back and i have hashimoto's disease (an autoimmune thyroid thing) and also too much sugar in my blood and therefore am likely to be a diabetic unless i really really watch my sugar intake. that sucks. but i guess it makes me realize that i need to step it up and take charge of my life. apparently my condition was partially caused by stress, so now my parents are really careful with me. which is nice. but i don't think it will last long.

i believe that our health is heavily influenced by what we think, so now i'm looking for happiness. except it's hard to find. my mom told me i should go fall in love or something and then maybe i'd get better. i read about a woman who was diagnosed with breast cancer and believed she could cure herself with happiness, so she watched comedies every day and laughed a lot and did other things that made her really happy and stayed away from those that didn't. when she went to her next appointment @ the oncologist's, her cancer was nearly gone. isn't that incredible?

i want to be happy, but at the same time i know that i'm more inspired and feel more intelligent when i'm slightly depressed. which sucks. but depression somehow makes me feel deep.


but here's a happy memory (since i said i'd try to post happy memories in each entry):

this was during my summer in new york. we went to a museum and there was this random list of instructions in a box. so my r/a (who i had a crush on at the time) and i followed the instructions. the point of the activity was to basically become one with a wall. and at the end the instructions said something like, "you basically just had sex with yourself." good times.