eating: chicken noodle soup (i've cought the flu, ick.)
i wonder if the choice i make in forgiving someone or not reflects on my belief in change and in the fact that people deserve a second chance... or my masochism. i like to think it's the first of the two options, but i can't help but wonder if i'm a masochist if i give a third or fourth chance? i can't even remember how many chances i've given this person. i can't decide if it's worth it. i'm eager to jump into any sort of potentially risky emotional situation simply because i've been so empty lately and i'd rather be experiencing any sort of feelings.
how can i know if i can forgive this person? i'm trying to recall an instance when i have asked for chances repeatedly and meant it. perhaps with my mother. but relationships with parents are different, the bonds stronger. i have the nerve to fight with my mother because i know she won't leave me no matter how harshly i lash out at her. i would like to say i feel the same way about her, but i believe that it's only the fact that i currently depend on my parents that keeps me from breaking ties definitively. it's sad, really. i don't wish i loved my parents, because it wouldn't be fair, considering how they've been to me so many times. buying me clothes or paying for college can't make me love them. my mom says i'm shallow and unthankful because i'm only nice to them when they give me something. i like to think this isn't true, but even if it is, how are they any better when they counter all of my arguments with the fact that they pay for everything and therefore i should give them more respect? why is it always about money? i hate money. i even hate touching it. i hate loose change. i won't complain about it any more than that, i know money makes the world turn and there's nothing i can do about it. it just pains me sometimes how dependent we are on it.
so back to forgiveness...how do you know when to give someone another chance? what have you done in the past?
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